big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
