Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
