I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
