So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
