This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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