i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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