Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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