Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
