yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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