You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
