God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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