I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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