The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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