Your tits are I can't wait for
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
