her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
