I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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