My Higher Power is John Stamos
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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