You can't motorboat a personality
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
jump out the window naked night went bad
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
