I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
