we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
