Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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