Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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