Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
