After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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