i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
