I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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