There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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