I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
