after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
