Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
