Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize