if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I met the friendliest cop last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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