morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
