If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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