Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
