i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
