Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
