More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
