the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
