Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
