Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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