Is it normal to miss your booty call?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
