Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
