It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
