he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ttyl tear gas
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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