You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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