Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
