I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
