I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
