You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
