Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
