went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
