Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
