It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
