I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
