i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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