i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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