hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
