I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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