my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
