Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
