You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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