I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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