i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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