You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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