I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
