i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
