Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
