Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
