I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
