My first STD was from a foam party
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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