I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
