And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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