I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
