You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
