and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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