she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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