Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
vagina is talking i cant
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
