she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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