u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
