dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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